let someone become a priority in your life, when you are just an option in his or her life.
Relationships work best when they are balanced.
explain yourself to anyone. Because the person who likes you doesn’t need
it, and the person who dislikes you won’t believe it
we wake up in the morning, we have two simple choices. Go back to sleep and dream, or wake up and chase those dreams. The choice is yours.
is like a river. You cannot touch the same water (in it) twice, because the flow that has passed will never pass again. Enjoy every moment of life.
Do not forget to live. Start from now!
Why Can't I Own A Canadian? An Open Letter to Dr. Laura Schlesinger by Professor Kauffman.
In her radio show, Dr Laura Schlesinger
said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22, and cannot be condoned under any circumstance.
The following response is an open letter to Dr. Laura, written
by a US Professor, and posted on the Internet. It's funny, as
well as informative:
Dear Dr. Laura:
Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal
from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual
lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination ... End of debate.
I do need
some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements of God's Laws and how to follow them.
1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess
slaves, both male and female, provided they are from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans,
but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?
2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery,
as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?
3. I know that
I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of Menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15: 19-24. The problem is
how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.
4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice,
I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing
to them. Should I smite them?
5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states
he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?
friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination, Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality.
I don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there 'degrees' of abomination?
7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit
that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room here?
8. Most of my
male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev.
19:27. How should they die?
9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but
may I still play football if I wear gloves?
10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two different
crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend).
He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town
together to stone them? Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair, like we do with
people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14) I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy considerable
expertise in such matters, so I'm confident you can help.
Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is
eternal and unchanging.
Your adoring fan.
James M. Kauffman, Ed.D. Professor Emeritus,
Dept. Of Curriculum,
Instruction, and Special Education
University of Virginia
PS (It would be a damn shame if we couldn't own a Canadian)
Have A HeartA death-roll inmate in Texas while being escorted
to his execution chamber became aware that his pressure medication refill he was waiting for before then Governor Bush refused
him a stay execution has arrived. He informed the correction officer that since his medication had arrived he should be given
the opportunity to take it to calm himself down. The correction officer spoke to the chief warden about this. The warden decided
that since they are running out of time, they should convey the matter to the Governor. So they called Bush. Governor Bush
said to them "Come on guys, have a heart. Give the guy the opportunity to take his pressure medication before his execution.
You know, I am a compassionate conservative."
Confucius Did Not Say Man who wants pretty nurse must be patient.Passionate kiss, like spider web, leads to undoing of fly.Lady who goes camping must beware of evil intent.Squirrel who runs up woman’s' leg will not find nuts.Man who leaps off cliff jumps to conclusion.Man who runs in front of car gets tired, man who runs behind car getsexhausted.Man who
eats many prunes get good run for money.War does not determine who is right; it determines who is left.Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.Man who drives like hell is bound to get there.Man who stands on toilet is high on pot.Man who lives in glass house should change clothes in basement.Man who fishes in other man's well often catches crabs. Finally CONFUCIUS DID NOT SAY.
. .LAST, BUT NOT LEAST:“A lion will not cheat on his wife, but a Tiger Wood!”
Senior Citizens' Annual Test
How Hell Works: Arrival Instructions
An Ode Of English Plurals
The Gender Of Things
Two men, one American and an Indian were sitting in a bar taking shot after shot.
Indian man said to the American, 'You know my parents are forcing me to get married to this so called homely girl from
a village whom I haven't even met once.' We call this arranged marriage. I don't
want to marry a woman whom I don't love... I told them that openly and now have a hell lot of family problems.'
American said, talking about love marriages... I'll tell you my story.
I married a widow whom I deeply
loved and dated for 3 years. 'After a couple of years, my father fell in love with my step-daughter and married
her, so my father became my son-in-law and I became my father's father-in-law.
Legally now my
daughter is my mother and my wife’s my grandmother.
More problems occurred when I had a son.
My son is my father's brother and so he is my uncle. Situations turned worse when my father had a son. Now my father's
son, my brother is my grandson. Ultimately, I have become my own grand father and I am my own grandson; and you say you have family
The Indian fainted.
Q. What is the fibula?
abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the
five bowels: A, E, I,O,U..
Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes
|The following questions were set in last
year's GED examination|
These are genuine answers (from 16 year olds).
Q. Name the four seasons
A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar
Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink
Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists
is dew formed
A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them
Q. What causes the tides in the oceans
A. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water
on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the
a democratic society, how important are elections
A. Very important.
Sex can only happen when a male gets an election
Q. What are
A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs Q. What happens to your body as you age
A. When you get old,
so do your bowels and you get intercontinental
Q. What happens
to a boy when he reaches puberty
A. He says goodbye to his boyhood
and looks forward to his adultery
Q. What is artificial insemination
A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow
Q. How can you delay milk turning sour
it in the cow
Q. How are
the main 20 parts of the body categorised (e.g. The abdomen)
body is consisted into 3 parts - the brainium, the borax and the
A. A small lie
Q. What does 'varicose'
Q. What is the most common form of birth control
A. Most people
prevent contraception by wearing a condominium
Q. Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarean section'
A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome
Q. What is a seizure?
A. A Roman Emperor. (Julius Seizure, I came, I saw, I had a fit)
Q. What is a terminal illness
A. When you are sick at the airport. (Irrefutable)
Q. What does the word 'benign' mean?
A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight (brilliant)
What is a turbine?
A. Something an Arab or Sheik wears on his head
A Mouse Trap in the House
Why This Student
Did Not Score 100 for These Answers?
Q1. In which battle
did Napoleon die? Answer:
His last battle
Q2. Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
Answer: At the bottom of the page
Q3. River Ravi flows in which state?
Q4. What is the main reason for divorce?
What is the main reason for failure?
Q6. What can you never
eat for breakfast?
Answer: Lunch & Dinner
Q7. What looks like half an apple?
Answer: The other half
Q8. If you throw a red stone into a blue sea what will it become?
can a man go eight days without sleeping?
Answer: No problem, he sleeps at nights.
Q10. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?
Answer: You will never find an elephant that has only one hand.